I seem to often forget to write about things that are meaningful. Not that homeschooling isn't meaningful, it's just that it's now such a part of our daily lives that it's not a struggle for me to sit down and map out or write a long post about homeschooling. Instead of another list of art projects, craft projects, or homeschool goals I've decided to jot down just a few thoughts on our faith.
Most of you have noticed that we're Catholic. This comes with varying degrees of responsibility and varying degrees of how people treat those responsibilities (as any faith path does). I am not a fully converted Catholic (yet) but I like to tell people, "I'm Catholic all except for the paper work." What does that mean? Well, to convert there's paperwork to file since this is neither my husband's or mine first marriage, paperwork which must then be accepted for me to become Catholic and my marriage to be recognized within the church. I also need to go through some classes, which I began this past fall and then stopped when the paperwork was going to take longer than originally thought. I plan on attending the classes again in the fall of 2014.
I say my rosary, I read and meditate on my readings, I pray at meals, pray when I wake up, and pray before going to bed. I teach my children their prayers and rosaries and have never had a second thought about it. I send our children to catechism classes and when their books come home in the spring we finish whatever wasn't able to be done in their weekly class throughout the year.
There are sacraments that must be made, stepping stones in the path of faith if you will. Baptism, First Communion, Confirmation, Marriage, for priests or nuns there is yet another sacrament, and Last Rights given to those of us who are ready to pass on to meet our Lord.
As "a Catholic except for the paperwork" I do not partake of communion, it simply wouldn't be right. I sit in our place in church and watch everyone else take communion. I ponder and pray about my place in the church. I watch as my children and husband go off to make confession when they are ready to do so, I watch as they walk their path of faith, and I wait.
Yes, I would love to take every step that they take. Hold their hands in mine as they walk that path. Yet, God has a different plan in mind for me. As a convert he's not making this especially easy for me. Baby steps, He says, and to have faith. Without that faith I would be lost. Without His guiding hand I would loose my way. It is easy to become frustrated about the process when it doesn't move "fast enough". But, then, I am reminded I must have faith.
I pray for guidance in my own life, how I mother my children, how I guide them on their path to adulthood in faith, and to help keep me patient while I take my baby steps.
I pray for those who are sick and in need, those who request prayers (and the list I have is rather long), those whom I know need prayers but have not asked for them, and so much more.
I let Him know that I am grateful for all He has given me.
And yet, sometimes, I whine to Him. I'll whine how things "should" be, "aught" to be, how "I want" them to be, or how "unfair" things are. I do not question Him and yet I whine (sometimes). Faith is a tricky thing, children seem to have it in abundance and as we age some of us keep that totally blind faith without question ... some of us stray. We question, we whine, we complain; sometimes we even turn our backs on our faith. I've been down those paths and they never ended well for me.
The year of 2014, for me, is the year for baby steps. I will take each small step that I should be taking along my path to bring me back to that place of trusting faith without question. God has a plan for me. I may not know exactly what that plan is or what steps to take to fulfill that path. But, He does. And in my halting baby steps I will relearn how to walk in faith with Him before I learn to spread my wings and fly with the love He gives me.
Even though this isn't technically a list of things to share, I am sharing it for List It {Tuesday} over at Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers
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As I sit here looking at my nice clean house, clean children lying abed, and freshly carpeted floors I can't help but think of all the wonderful things I have in my life. And how often I seem to overlook these things because I complain...
Yes, I complain. I complain that the money runs out before the month does, though we have all we need. I complain that the children get too loud or too rowdy, though on the whole they are healthy. I complain that I can't figure out what I should make for supper, though my freezer is full. I complain about many many things that I really shouldn't complain about.
I sit here, at this moment, and pray to God that he help me in this matter. I cannot seem to control these ungrateful moments in my life. I am human after all. I know people personally who are far worse off than I. They do not have enough food, or any money at all, or worse still their child is ill or they've lost a child. I have no right to complain.
"The dishes need washing." I mutter ... though I should be grateful we had something to put on those dishes to make them dirty.
"The laundry needs doing." I sigh ... though I should be thankful that we have clothing to wear so that it may get dirty.
"I'd like to buy this or that." I lament ... though I should be thankful that we have all we need (and after doing the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge I realized that we actually had FAR more than we needed).
"Why should we have to ...?" I whine ... though I should be thankful that we're in a position to do whatever it is I'm whining about.
You get the general idea. Each and every day there is at least one mumble, gripe, or discordant thought that pops either out of my mouth or into my head. And, truly, I should not complain.
God has seen fit to give me children who are healthy, though some do have some challenges. He has seen fit to give me a husband who loves me and who beat a terminal illness. He has seen fit to allow me to live comfortably in my life. And He has seen fit to allow me general decent health.
No, my life is NOT perfect. I do not have all that I want, extra money to spend on things that I do not need (or sometimes enough money to pay for needed items all at once), my husband still has health issues though he will thankfully live for at least a while more at my side, and my children need some extra care for certain things. I am no longer skinny, young, or stylish (not that I ever gave two figs about style in the first place). I do not live at the end of a block with 2.3 children and a white picket fence.
But my life is wonderful because He chose to give it to me. Who am I to complain about what He has given me? I am His child, and as a child I whine and complain because I am human. I am flawed because I am human. And because He is my father He understands all of this and forgives me my flaws.
So, what is my reasoning in telling you all of this? Dwell not on the things that you do not have, but rejoice in what you do have. We are not all the same because HE made us to be different. He gave us each different qualities and burdens, gifts and decisions ... It is ourselves who have made our lives into what they now are, and it is up to us through Him to make the best of it. Give your worries, your complaints, your whining, your grumbles, and your heartfelt thanks all to HIM because through Him all things are possible.
Because complaining won't change things, you'll always find something else that doesn't work.
(Normally, on Thursdays, I write about what is working in our lives or our homeschool... today I chose to write about something that is not working.)
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